Why David Bowie Is Better Than God…

  1. We know for certain that David exists.
  2. David has cooler clothes; God’s billowing robes are just so passe.
  3. David is less prone to smiting sinners (a definite plus).
  4. If you hear God’s voice in your head, you’re probably crazy.
  5. If you hear Bowie’s voice in your head, you may be crazy, but at least you have something to sing along to.
  6. David looks better naked than God does. (Conclusion based on appearances in “The Man Who Fell To Earth” and the uncensored “China Girl” video)
  7. God couldn’t tease his hair that high, even during the 80’s.
  8. God can’t play the guitar.
  9. David has better shoes.
  10. David is richer.
  11. David is still attractive.
  12. God probably looks like Mick Jagger or Keith Richards by now.
  13. Going to a Bowie concert is a lot more fun than church.
  14. God doesn’t paint his toenails.
  15. God’s too uptight.
  16. People don’t corner you at malls to tell you that “Bowie loves you.”
  17. David looks better in a dress.